Signs of an Unhealthy ESFJ Personality Type

Signs of an Unhealthy ESFJ Personality Type

The ESFJ has been nicknamed ‘the defender’ in the my personality community. They are known for their morals as well as for following and defending traditions. The ESFJ is admirably loyal, helpful, and considerate to those in their inner circle.

However, if you think you are dealing with an unhealthy ESFJ, these people can be quite the opposite. They can come across as impatient, people-pleasing, and collusive. Unhealthy ESFJ personality types can present themselves in many different ways.

Overly sensitive

Making a good impression on others is the bottom line for the ESFJ individual. Even the most secure ESFJ person tends to feel discouraged and defensive when criticized, but unhealthy ESFJs can’t take criticism at all.

With the perfectionist nature of the ESFJ, they are attuned to receiving constant praise. If they hear negative feedback, they completely shut down and deny any imperfection. Constructive criticism doesn't work well for the unhealthy ESFJ.

They will react in a negative way. They will claim that the person criticizing them is incorrect or is biased against them. The unhealthy ESFJ needs to learn to admit that not everything they do is perfect and that not all people will like their work or other efforts.

Unhealthy ESFJs can sometimes become prone to bitterness. As if they are not praised often enough, they can feel like they are being taken advantage of.

Needy

The unhealthy ESFJ can rely too heavily on those around them. Needy ESFJs have little drive, motivation, or aptitude to get things done by themself. ESFJs can sometimes be so fixated on other people's feelings that they lose the ability to regulate their own. The unhealthy ESFJ feels as though they can only be happy if those around them are also happy and as such, are overly dependent on others to regulate their moods.

ESFJs can also have an innate desire to be noticed. Their self-worth is often based on the amount of praise or criticism that they receive. They take things very personally and find it difficult to get over anything that doesn't go quite their way.

Social climbers

Due to their extraversion, ESFJs gain energy from being around other people. They tend to enjoy having a group of close friends that they can rely on. However, unhealthy ESFJs can often feel as though people that aren't included in their social groups are strange. They can also become social climbers and superiority seekers, always looking for something better to come along. This can come across as ingenuine and shallow.

Overbearing

People with the ESFJ personality type have an immense sense of duty and responsibility to their friends and family. The ESFJ will do everything in their power to make sure that their loved ones are taken care of. However, sometimes this need to control the lives of others can become overbearing and intrusive. The unhealthy ESFJ can meddle with the lives of their loved ones and become overprotective in order to stop any uncomfortable situations from occurring.

Manipulative

ESFJs are known to have strong morals. For those surrounded by a strong system of values during their upbringing, a very strong sense of right and wrong can be developed within them, and their ethics will be based upon genuinity and generosity towards others. However, for those not so lucky, their values can sometimes be clouded. This type of ESFJ is dangerous as their extraverted feeling trait drives them to manipulate and control those around them. They can also struggle to see the big picture and may not understand the consequences of their actions.

Rigid

ESFJ personality types have an innate desire to have control over their lives, their environment, and the people around them. The ESFJ seeks structure and organization within their lives and is most comfortable in a meticulously organized environment. They like to have a distinct plan in place or a sense of direction in anything that they do. It drives them crazy when things don’t go to plan, if people procrastinate, or if details are unclear. Indecision is the unhealthy ESFJ’s worst enemy.

How to become a healthy ESFJ personality type

In order to overcome these negative personality traits, there are a number of things that the ESFJ can do:

• Let go of judgments they have made about people and learn to detach from their first impressions.
• To counteract their dependence on other people, it is crucial that the ESFJ learns to take time for themself. Hobbies that they can do alone such as playing a game of golf, walking, or pottery, allow them to have time on their own where they can reflect and get in touch with their own emotions.
• Unhealthy ESFJs need to remember that nobody is perfect. The sooner the ESFJ realizes this, the happier they will become.

For ESFJ individuals, it can be difficult to admit that they cannot control other people’s thoughts, actions, and behaviors to suit them. To find solace, the unhealthy ESFJ can find peace by focusing on being considerate of others and not craving praise for doing the bare minimum.

The unhealthy ESFJ needs to disregard their preconceived notions about their peers and be more open-minded. Unhealthy ESFJs need to focus more on their own needs than those of others, as they can sometimes neglect their own emotions and well-being by taking on people's burdens.